Thursday, May 16, 2013

5 Things to Love About Pregnancy & 5 Things to Hate

     There are good things and bad that all come with pregnancy. How much of each you get just depends on your genetics and whether Saturn was aligned with the third moon of Jupiter when you conceived. I might be a tad bit grumpy at the moment because I have officially reached my "that's it, lets just get this thing to 40 weeks and pass me the bag of pitocin" point. I have this weird inner monologue that likes to think in blog posts (weird I know) and my weird little inner voice is currently making a list of all the reasons why pregnancy sucks. I know, I know, I know...I'm half of the reason I'm in this predicament in the first place. Didn't I know what I was signing up for? Didn't I know the risks? Of course I did. Of course I would put myself through much worse Hell on Earth to bring our children into the world. That doesn't mean this stuff sucks any less just because it could be worse or because I voluntarily did it and yes I will still complain. Now I realize I'm being all negative nancy over here so to balance things out I came up with 5 things that are actually awesome about pregnancy so there. I'm not all doom and gloom...only half. I'm leaving out all the obvious ones too, yes I know having the miracle of life inside you is amazing and all, but lets get a little more superficial and shallow for a moment.

5 Things to Love About Pregnancy

1. Best excuse to get out of social engagements
          Now, now, I know it's wrong to lie but come know you've been invited to that one thing you really don't want to go and they probably aren't going to buy that your great-great uncle Thadius passed away and you just HAVE to go to the funeral on that day. When you're pregnant you have an instant excuse that nobody can argue with! Don't want to go to that boring lecture on lined paper? Sorry boss, I have really bad morning sickness and have to carry around a trash can with me. Heck, you don't even need a solid reason. Just saying "I don't feel good" is reason enough to get out of just about anything.

2. The food
        Once you get passed the morning sickness in first trimester food becomes pretty darn awesome and the best thing is you now have license to add a few more calories to your diet. Sure, you can say they are going to be healthy choices but really? I will eat my 1,420 calories worth of chocolate extreme blizzard with glee as I proclaim "but it's what the baby wants". The other weird thing is your sense of taste and smell becomes heightened in pregnancy so things just taste SO much better. As long as you keep yourself under control, pregnancy can give you the best way to enjoy a little junk food without the whole "thunder thighs" problem. Mmmmmm.....fooooooood.

3. The free pass to be an idiot
        I have a theory: the brain partially shuts down during pregnancy. There is absolutely such a thing as "pregnancy brain" and also "pregnancy klutz syndrome". There are actually legitimate scientific reasons as to why these things happen but why involve science in this? I'm a bit spacey to begin with but when I'm pregnant I become downright absentminded and the best thing is people totally understand. You see a regular lady walking around the grocery store in fuzzy socks and you might think she's a little off, but if you see the same thing with a pregnant lady you will automatically give her the benefit of the doubt and brush it off as "oh she's pregnant".

4.  The clothes
       I am ordinarily not a "clothes" girl. T-shirts and jeans are my go to look 97% of the time, although I do enjoy a nice dress. I become a total clothes-aholic when pregnant. I absolutely LOVE shopping for maternity clothes. Granted I can't afford even a third of what I wish I could buy but the fantasy is nice. There are some amazingly cute things out there for preggy gals now. Gone are the days of giant tents you could host a wedding reception under.

5. The beauty
          Now, this is a total luck of the DNA draw here. I got half good and half bad when it comes to beauty and pregnancy. My face clears up beautifully...but all my acne relocates to my back. Eh, at least I don't have to look at it. Some of the perks that can happen include; lusciously thick hair, nails that are stronger and grow fast, soft skin, and a sweet little natural blush. If you are lucky enough to get any of these positives enjoy it!

5 Things to HATE about Pregnancy

1. Control. What's That again?
      Pregnancy = 0 control over most things. Sure you might *think* you can control certain things but the reality is you don't. Your emotions are no longer under any form of voluntary control, your body morphs into something you have never seen before, you have absolutely no control over when labor starts and your cute little birth plan all typed out will most likely go right out the window. Oh and my personal favorite, you lose partial control over once voluntary things such as your bladder muscles and bless you if you think you can exert control over the excess gas floating around your bowels. Sorry, too much info there?

2. Other people
        Much like the free pass on being an idiot, being pregnant seems to somehow knock down any wall of personal space/politeness. For some strange reason people will ask the most odd and probing questions when you're pregnant. The one that always gets me is "Was it planned?" Why on Earth do you care?! Then you have those who feel the need to voice their opinion on EVERY-THING. I had a lady at the grocery store say I "ruined it" by finding out the gender. You know what lady? I wanted to know so I found out and so help me if you say one more time how it "completely ruins the surprise" I'm going to hit you with this sack of bananas. From advice (you should really do ____ and _____) to old wives-tales (Oh, you are carrying so low! You must be having a boy, I bet that scan was wrong) people lose their filter when they are around pregnant ladies. Don't even get me started on those who touch without asking either. *shudder*

3. Discomfort
        Ever had an itch you just can't scratch? That's how pregnancy is sometimes. Your back will be aching in agony and there is no position you can find, no matter how many pillows you prop under you, that will relieve that discomfort. You'll get winded like a 95 year old 2 pack a day smoker just from taking a shower. Or there is always the lovely heartburn, intestinal distress, insomnia and sciatica too. The only remedy to these problems? Labor. and if you refer back to item number have no control over that.

4. Your Body
       The weird stuff your body does kind of creeps into all of the things that make pregnancy terrible but there are some specifics that are the worst. I'll say this as tastefully as I can but pregnancy tends to make a woman slightly "top-heavy" if you get my drift. This is annoying to those of us already blessed in that area because now we have to go find specialty bras in letter sizes we've never even heard of, oh and of course with each letter size you add about $20. Then trying to wear a nice summer top without looking like a weird street walker is pretty much impossible. Then the best part is, just when you spend a good chunk of change on some new lingerie your entire body changes again. More changes come when the belly starts poppin and the skin starts stretching. I didn't get stretchmarks until at least 30 something weeks with Roxas, and so far I have only noticed a few new ones pop up recently. I am lucky. Thank you good genetics. Some women end up with tiger stripes all over their abdomen and lower body. You can call them "mommy tattoos" and "tiger stripes" all you want but they do tend to ding the self-esteem a bit.

5. The painful baby movements
       Yes, feeling the baby move is incredible and all that lovely ooey-gooey stuff. It starts off innocently enough. Just little jabs here and there, little rolls. Those are nice. Those are fun. Then you get to the point where they run out of room. Now you're getting serious punches to the ribs, bladder and other places that will stop you dead in your tracks. I actually let out an involuntary yelp once when I got a nice roundhouse to the lower ribs. I LOVE feeling her move, believe me I do but sometimes you just want to tell them to knock it off and please watch the elbows. There is a 4in x 4in spot on my upper right side that I am convinced is completely black and blue inside. When she runs her little feet across this spot I about hit the roof. I have a lot of sympathy for Bella in Twilight: Breaking Dawn.

No comments:

Post a Comment