Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Wow. Roxas is almost a month old. I can't believe how quickly time is going by and how much he is growing. We are settling into something resembling a routine now, which is nice. Sleep is still a rarity for me, but that is the sacrifice a dairy cow has to make. We have good nights and bad nights and in between nights too. Being a mom is a whole new experience for sure. It's definitely not all cutesy fun adorable baby time. I will admit I've reached some very low points that I'm not proud of but any mom who doesn't have moments of doubt or frustration is probably abnormal. The toughest parts are usually when I want to do something for myself but have to put him first. I'm not just talking about going to see a movie or something either. Simple things like taking a shower, eating, or brushing my teeth all get trumped when Roxas needs me. It would be so nice if babies came with a pause button.
I really do love being a mommy though. It's still amazing to me that I had this baby in my belly, then pushed him out of my body and now he is in my arms. When I was pregnant I kept saying it would all seem real when I had him, but even now sometimes it really hits me that we have a baby. There are times when I just stare at him still and marvel at this amazing creation and gift I have been given.
I recently celebrated my 22nd birthday and it is amazing all the things that can change in just a year. Last year I was out having a great time enjoying my new drinking privileges and this year I was loving on and taking care of my son. I never would have thought that would happen! I have been off work for 5 weeks and so far I am loving being at home with the little munchkin and I keep extending my maternity leave...it started at six weeks and now I think I'm up to 12. I love spending my days with Roxas, as tiring as it can be. I wouldn't trade this time with him for anything in the world because I know once this time is gone I can never get it back.
Well, Roxas is up from his nap so that is my cue to wrap up this post and until next time...
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Roxas is 2 weeks old as of Monday. I cannot believe 2 weeks have already gone by so quickly. I am already seeing him change right before my eyes. These past weeks have been so unreal at times. They have been filled with just about every emotion you can imagine from overwhelming love and adoration for my son to frustration and fear.
I have had to adjust to his schedule, and I have learned that you do nothing just because you want to anymore. You plan around the baby and if he allows you to get something you want to get done then consider yourself lucky! I have enjoyed being a mom for sure but I have my moments, usually those moments are at 5am when Roxas hasn’t slept all night and I’m dead tired. Or when we leave the house and he screams bloody murder the whole time.
The past two weeks have been fun for the most part though. We can sit with him and just marvel at this perfect little life that we have been blessed with. It still astounds me that I have managed to keep a small human alive for two weeks, kind of crazy to stop and think about. I often spend several minutes just looking at him and taking in every bit of him that I can. I know he won’t be this small forever and someday he will leave us, which makes these moments even more precious to me.
He went to the doctor again on Monday and was circumcised. He handled it quite well considering the procedure but I nearly had a breakdown. I always thought they asked the parents to step out…I was wrong. It was tough to watch my little boy go through surgery but the doctor did a good job of numbing him and really he was more ticked off by the whole thing than hurting so that made me feel a little better. He is gaining weight and growing like a little weed. He now weighs 8lbs 10oz and he is 21inches long! He still isn’t quite as big as I was when I was born though! His little umbilical cord stump also came off at the doctors; well the doctor actually pulled it off since it was hanging by a thread. It was strange, when he plucked it right off there I felt a little sad. That was the last piece of the cord that once connected me and him, as gross as it looked and as much as I knew it needed to come off I still didn’t like seeing him just pull it off like a piece of lint. I know, cut the cord woman. Yes I kept it and it’s going into his baby book. What you expect something different from the weirdo who put her pregnancy test into her scrapbook?
So in our first two weeks of parents we have laughed, I’ve cried, and we have both fallen even more in love with our little boy. Even when he is making me crazy, I still love him more than anything on Earth. I have small moments of clarity where it really hits me that he is my son and I’m his mommy. I can’t wait to see how he grows and watch him develop and turn into a wonderful young man.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Note: please forgive any typos, I'm posting this from my phone and I'm very tired.
It is 3:14am and in sitting in bed nursing Roxas staring at his sweet expressions and even though I haven't gotten more than 4 hours of sleep in the past week and I feel utterly exhausted I can't help but feel so in love with this tiny gremlin.
Roxas is a week old now and I can't believe it. He already seems like he has grown and it's bittersweet. I can't wait for him to grow up and start taking and walking...and sleeping through the night, but at the same time I will miss his newborn cuddles and tiny size.
I am adjusting to life as a dairy cow as I call it. anybody who says breastfeeding is easy lies. We have had some difficulty but I am committed to nursing him, come hell or high water. We are both having to learn and unfortunately we are both stubborn! pretty much my entire day and night revolves around feeding and caring for him, I forget to take care of myself a lot.
well he is asleep now so I am going to try and get some sleep!
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Well as you can see Roxas has arrived!! He was born on Monday March 5th at 9:07pm. He weighed 7lbs 13oz and was 20in. long. We are so in love with our baby boy, I can't even describe how amazing it is to look at this tiny little person who grew in my body and is now thriving in my arms.
At our doctors appointment on Friday we were sent to the hospital for some fetal monitoring just to be sure Roxas was ok. He was looking good but the doctor was worried about a little high blood pressure in me and him being several days over due at that point. So, we set an induction date of Sunday the 4th if he didn't come naturally over the weekend. Roxas decided he was not coming out on his own though. After a wonderful weekend spent together Kenny and I headed off to the hospital at 7pm on Sunday the 4th. It was so crazy leaving knowing we would be coming home with our baby boy.
We checked in and after I nearly passed out from the IV, they gave me some medication to soften things up and get labor going. After walking and the medication I began contracting regularly...but in the morning I was only at 4cm so they started pitocin and the doctor broke my water to get things going. Over the course of the day they kept upping the pitocin and the contractions started coming stronger and stronger. I had wanted to go completely natural and I didn't get an epidural but I did end up asking for the IV pain meds later on. I won't lie...those contractions are awful and I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on my worst enemy. After roughly 2 hours of pushing, Roxas finally made his appearance and all that pain left my memory instantly and I was in love. I couldn't believe how much I could love a tiny person. So from our admittance to the hospital at 7pm to the time he was born was 26 hours, and every second was worth it! I have to say I have the most amazing and wonderful husband on this Earth. He is the only reason I made it through the entire labor without killing somebody. He was so fantastic and encouraging I can't even begin to describe how much I love him and how thankful I am to be his wife.
We got to come home today and it was so surreal that we were bringing our little boy home. We are learning a lot of things about being parents of a newborn and it has been fun, challenging, but fun. Tonight will be our first night home and I am excited and a little scared since we are really on our own with no nurses at our beck and call to come in and help us if we need it. We have family of course, but it's just a bit different being home as a family. It seems just like he was always meant to be here with us. Our happy little family. I can't stop staring at Roxas as he feeds or just sleeps on my chest (which he happens to be doing right now) and my phone is just full of pictures of him. We may be a little biased but we happen to think he is the most precious and perfect thing around.
I hope to keep updating at least every week or every other week with updates but I may be a little wrapped up to get around to much!