No, I'm not delusional...I know it is not Valentine's day (although that would mean we would only be weeks away from meeting our little man!) What I'm talking about is what some pregnant women refer to as their "viability day" meaning after 24 weeks a fetus is considered viable and there is a possibility for survival outside the womb. Of course survival would require serious medical intervention and there are many, many possible complications but some tiny chance is better than no chance at all. At 24 weeks a fetus has a survival chance of 40-70%, although Roxas will hopefully stay put until February, at least he has a chance. It is amazing how many things I can find to worry about, apparently it's one of those "mom things" that you develop...still waiting for those second pair of eyes and the spit that can out-clean Mr. Clean himself though. It is nice to worry a little, teeny bit less now.
So, what's up with my little nudger? Well he is growing...a lot. He has gained about 4 ounces since last week, well on his way to 2lbs. He is about as long as an ear of corn (or an over inflated football for the guys). His brain is growing again as well as his taste buds and lungs. The bronchi and bronchioles (tree like parts of the lungs) are forming now and cells are gearing up to produce surfactant, which helps lubricate the alveoli (air sacs) for when they inflate after he is born. His skin is still pretty see through but as he gains more and more baby fat that will change. I'm not sure what vendetta he has against my ribs but he tries awfully hard to kick them. He's not quite there yet but it will only be a few more weeks. His kicks are getting hard to ignore too, I jump a lot because of them. Sometimes I get very distracted by him, I've spent a decent amount of time just watching my belly jump and enjoying his kicking and punching. I had a fun game going on where I would put my cell phone on my belly and see how long it took him to kick it off. I have a feeling it will get a lot worse when he is born, I'll probably do nothing but look at him all day.
Since it is our "V-Day" it seems appropriate to talk about something I've been thinking about for the past few days: Love.
It is amazing how much you can love. It seems we, as humans, have an infinite ability to love if we want to. Love is an amazing emotion when you really think about it. Love can make you do crazy things, and love can make you feel better than you have ever felt. I love my husband more than anything on Earth, and I never thought any other love could rival that...until I had his hand on my belly while our son playfully kicked at us. In that special moment I realized my capacity to love just increased by an immeasurable amount. My love for my husband didn't diminish but rather my capacity to love just increased.
Like I said I have been thinking about love a lot lately, maybe it's the hormones...who knows. Anyways I was watching a new music video for a song called "A thousand Years" by Christina Perri and in between all the squealing at the Twilight clips it had (stay with me here) I listened to the music. It describes just the way I feel about my family, it feels as if I've loved them for a thousand years. There is no beginning or end to my love for those people in my life. I've loved them for a thousand years and I will love them for thousands more.
There is nothing I wouldn't do for those I love. The amazing thing about love, and the way it differs from any other emotion, is how love can make sacrifice completely painless. Sure we will do things out of other emotions but the sacrifice still always stings a little. If we do something out of pure love, it's actually rewarding. I think this point is one that God has been trying to hammer into my head for awhile. I think about the love I feel for just my family and then I can't even imagine the love God feels for us. Something about having a child of our own has really put this idea in center focus and I don't think I even really got how much love God has for us until now. We think about the sacrifice Jesus made for us, and it was done out of pure love. That sacrifice is the most pure demonstration of love I can think of, and one that I'm not very worthy of in the first place. When I think about how I say there is nothing I wouldn't do for my son God reminds me that is exactly how he feels about us. There is nothing He wouldn't do for us, and it's all because of love.
So love is an amazing thing and I'm only just beginning to learn about the power it can hold. The most amazing thing though is I am being taught all of this by a tiny human who knows nothing about this world yet. I think the only thing he does know is that he is loved, very much and both of his parents would do anything for him. I really thought I knew what love was but I'm discovering it is so much deeper than I ever thought.
I don't think my belly has changed too much in the past week, still loving my little basketball.