Saturday, July 27, 2013

Go Get the Humble Pie...

     Well, I'll grab my fork and start choking down my big ol' slice of humble pie with a heaping helping side dish of my own words. I went to my appointment on Friday and the doctor informed me that I had made pretty much no progress...actually she demoted me a half centimeter. Now I think the nurse at the hospital was just trying to make me feel better by telling me I was at 3 1/2. So we discussed some things and we now have an official induction date set.Well, technically it's an induction. I would much rather call it an "augmentation of labor" but that would really just make me feel better and I might as well just call it what it is. This induction will be via amniotomy (where the doctor breaks the bag of water) and with a lot of prayer I will hopefully be able to avoid seeing any pitocin. There is still risk with an amniotomy but it's nothing like pitocin's risks. The doctor seems pretty optimistic about this method being successful for me. Since my body is giving it a great try on it's own she thinks breaking my water might just give it the shove it needs to keep things going.

    I know, I know. You're thinking "but I thought you were all anti-induction? What happened to that steely resolve to wait it out? Hmmmmmmmm???" Yes...I know. I can hear the thoughts you're having "Don't you know the risks of induction? It's so much better to wait until they come naturally! Just be patient!" Believe me, these exact thoughts swirl around my head and poke into my brain like little daggers. I should just dig down deep and find some dang patience right? You know what though? I'm fresh out. I have plenty of guilt though!

     The on again, off again, runs of contractions coupled with crippling hip/leg pains have sapped all of my patience. They aren't just the little braxton hicks tightening type contractions either, no they are awful and painful real contractions and those leg pains have brought me to my knees on several occasions. I am physically, emotionally and mentally drained from it and I just don't have the resolve to put up with it for two more weeks.You may begin judging me.

     I feel like a failure that I caved to something I thought I was so strongly against. It's easy to say "just wait" when you aren't the one who is heavily pregnant and let's face it...a little desperate to not be so uncomfortable anymore. It's easy to say those things when you aren't the one being made miserable. So now I vow to shut my trap and not judge any woman who is induced ever again.

     Now, to be fair there is a small amount of justification around our choice besides my personal discomfort. My feet/ankles and legs began swelling suddenly and excessively in the past day or two and my blood pressure has gone from the 110/75 ish range to the 125/85 ish range. Usually 120/80 is "perfect" but a jump from usually low BP to high BP coupled with my swelling has the doctor a little concerned about the start of pre-eclampsia. It's by no means life threatening at this point but it deserves some careful monitoring for sure. There is also the little fact that this child's head has been consistently measuring a week ahead of her gestational age. Part of the reason I had a hard time with Roxas was due to his gigantic noggin and I'm not overly eager for her head to get any bigger than it already is. They may be flimsy little excuses but for the sake of my own sanity I will cling to them for dear life, lest the guilt swallow me entirely.

     So, there you have it. I'm a selfish, hypocritical, weakling who can't just stick it out another two weeks and I admit it. There is still the chance she could come on her own before and that would be wonderful but I'm not counting on it. The doctor is out of town this weekend so maybe Murphy's law will get things going! I won't say exactly what day we are being induced for now but Lucy will be a full 40 weeks by the time it happens. That's all I will say for now.

Hopefully she comes on her own but if not at least I have a really good idea of just how much longer I will have to wait. There is some comfort in that knowledge, and I've been able to relax and de-stress a little bit knowing that date which may help natural labor, who knows.

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