Saturday, September 22, 2012

That Sinking Feeling

     Right now I have a rare moment, a moment all to myself. Roxas is in bed, the hubby is out having drinks with friends, my homework is finally done and Grey's Anatomy is on Hulu. These moments are few and far between. During most days I am consumed with either entertaining Roxas, doing homework or making a pathetic attempt at keeping my house clean and laundry done. It seems like a lifetime ago that I spent my days off cleaning the house, scrapbooking, crafting, baking and playing video games.  

     I've recently really gotten into watching Grey's Anatomy and I think I know why I like it so much; I can relate to the intern experience in so many ways, my head is constantly spinning with all of the information swirling in my head. Sometimes I feel like an intern myself. Sometimes I don't know which way is up and the days just fly by. If it doesn't relate to being a mom or a nurse I probably don't think about it. I rarely eat more than one meal a day just because I get to wrapped up in school and taking care of Roxas. I go to bed at night going over medications, procedures, test questions, and I wake up every morning to my smiling (or crying depending on the day) little boy. I read my textbook surrounded by baby toys and with Roxas in my lap...usually chewing or drooling on my book. Most of the time I have no idea what day it is, and I never thought I would say this but I miss high school. I miss the simplicity of life. I miss being lazy on my days off with nobody to entertain but myself. I loved going to work and then coming home and relaxing with my husband. I love being a mom of course and I love my son more than anything and I love being a nursing student...or rather I love what the end result will be but I'd have to be crazy not to miss the life we once had.

     Like I said, I feel like an intern some days. My homework pile is utterly insane and the amount of information I am trying to cram into my brain is far more than any human is meant to absorb. Somehow I'm keeping my head above water and we are almost halfway through our first semester. The one thing I really, truly, love about nursing school is the sense of family in our class. It's amazing and unique feeling how close we have all become as first semester students. When I am in class I feel as if I am home, and that is how I know I am in the right place and as much as it is driving me insane with work and will be worth it. I just need to hang in there and make it through. The workload of the program alone is insane but add in taking care of a 6 month old baby too and you have a recipe for insanity. It's a crazy life but it's our life and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

     Roxas and I have an appointment with the nutritionist at WIC since he is only in the 8th percentile for his height and weight. I'm really hoping she can help guide me on good nutrition for myself and Roxas too. I'm still a little worried about his weight and how much he dropped so quickly. I'm really stuffing him full of milk and food so hopefully that's all he needs to plump up and get to growing big and strong.

     Well, I am going to enjoy my nice relaxation time. The next time I will have this kind of moment might be a very long time from now. 

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