Monday, February 11, 2013

Why I Hate Pinterest, and Social Media Moms

 *I want to make this perfectly clear: This is my opinion. It is how I feel. If you haven't noticed I treat this blog like an online diary and share my thoughts and feelings with you not expecting anybody to agree or disagree with any of it*

I may just be one of a very few women who do not obsess over the internet phenomenon that is Pinterest. In fact I avoid the thing like the plague. Oh yeah, I looked at it. Then I started feeling unbelievably guilty.

It's not really Pinterest, or social media that I hate, it's the idea of perfection. It's the judgement. It's the sense of failure. The internet has made a mom's job more difficult than it has ever been. We are constantly connected to all of these fantastic ideas and excellent (or not so excellent) advice from moms all over the world. You would think it's a great thing. Not for me.

There is a general "feel" to the internet mom community now. The current trend is to be green, healthy, super involved in your kids lives, and make crafty little things. Some call it the "granola movement" or "crunchy parenting". Honestly I reserve those terms for the most extreme but the feel is the same. If you log onto any mommy or parenting site you're bound to be overwhelmed with natural this, organic that.

I get how society works, a predominate mood will prevail for awhile and slowly but surely it will change to something else. Just like once upon a time long, long ago Dr. Ferber was the baby's now Dr. Sears. Now, the problem I have with the internet mom community and sites like Pinterest is they set an impossible standard and judge you when you fall short.

Moms are told that formula contains horrible poisons, and under no circumstances should she give it to her baby. Giving a baby formula is akin to filling the bottle with Dran-O instead. They are told they should have tried harder to breastfeed, that they didn't do something right to succeed. Along the same lines they are told jarred baby food is just like giving your baby McDonalds and you might as well just turn yourself over to child services right now if you aren't making every bite of food that baby eats from organic kale and sweet potatoes. Heaven help you if you let your child cry it out after rocking, feeding, loving, snuggling, singing ect. fail.

We are shown pretty pictures of perfect birthday parties that probably cost hundreds, if not more, and hours upon hours of your time. Then we feel pressured to live up to the "pinterest mom" who has a candy bar, cake pops, and a professional decorator at their kids first birthday party.

The point I'm making here is: Moms, don't let the internet change who you are. I'm guilty of it, big time. I've beat myself up over some of the stupidest things. I've agonized over how Roxas won't have a birthday party worthy of the almighty Pinterest. Tortured myself every time I think about how few meals I've actually cooked for him and how many came out of jars. Felt shame feeding him a bottle of formula. Then it was actually Kenny who said something that really opened my eyes.

Sure, I may not be Pinterest worthy but you know what? I'm busy. I spend more time in school than out these days, plus take care of Roxas, keep the house clean, and oh another human in my womb. Instead of spending hours slaving away over a handmade birthday banner I'm spending it playing blocks with Roxas. Sure I'd love to feed Roxas all organic, home cooked meals but you know what? We can't afford it for one and I just don't have the time. I would have loved to nurse Roxas until one year but it just wasn't in the plan for my body and I need to deal with that.

I need to accept that I am a good mom. I love my son, and my unborn daughter. They don't care that I didn't make the cookies from scratch. They don't care that I hand knit that blanket. They just care about my love, time, and attention. That is what matters. That is what is important. Not making something perfect enough for the internet, because the harsh truth is...nothing will ever be good enough for them. If your children are growing, thriving and are a doing your job and that IS good enough.


  1. Kayla you are such an amazing mom. Honestly, I don't know how you do what you do... I can barely get out of bed most days because the exhaustion is so bad and you have a beautiful baby boy and a full time at school. I couldn't imagine the pressure you're under everyday. I love you fitly and I know that whether you do all those crafty and natural things or not, that your kids aren't going to care... they are going to love you with all their hearts and they are going to appreciate everything you do.
    I completely agree with this "world" of you need to be perfect... I have NEVER even looked on pinterest because I don't want to see those kind of standards that moms feel like they need to achieve. Its bull crap... be a mom and love your children, that's all that matters

  2. Kayla,

    I agree. Wholeheartedly. I don't know who Dr. Ferber is/was? I know a long time ago it was Dr. Spock. I never read his books. I was just the best mom I could be to you and your brothers. I took it one day at a time. Sure, my personality dictated that I wanted everything 'perfect' for my kid(s)... but since we didn't have the internet way back then... I can only imagine how it exaggerates the stress moms are under these days. You are a lot like me and I probably (well, I know I did) passed on some OCD genes to you.

    You are a great mother! Roxas is a happy, healthy baby boy! He has not been sick one day except for a brief and mild cold! That is amazing! All he cares about is that you and his daddy are there to smile at him, play with him, feed him, hold him, love him and teach him. He doesn't care about anything except that he absolutely knows that you are there and love him!

    We never had a lot of money, and yet we always found ways to have fun with you kids. You guys never wore all the expensive clothes or had all the things you wanted; but you had us and what we could give you. Most of all, you and your brothers always knew that no matter what you guys did, we were there for you. Simple. Really.

    Pinterest is just a fun place to me. I guess I've matured (that's a nice way of saying that I've just gotten old!) enough that I don't pay attention to what is ''supposed'' to be done. Just take it all with a grain of salt. I don't believe that those moms really do all that - unless they have money to burn and a nanny, maid, driver, etc.

    Anyway, you and Kenny have been amazing parents to Roxas and I know that when your little girl, Lucy, is born, she is going to be loved and she will know, just like Roxas, that her mommy, daddy and big brother love her more than anything in this world. Of course, I do need to say - Gramma and Grampa also love your family more than you know... we are so proud of you, Kayla and Kenny!

    Tashia is right... and she will be a great mommy too, just like you Kayla! It doesn't take 'perfection' to raise a happy, loving child. It takes, love, faith and endurance!

    I love you!