Thursday, July 5, 2012

4 Months Have Flown By

     I often find myself asking, "Where has the time gone?" Looking at Roxas I see how quickly it can pass and how precious it really is. Not to get all mushy but I never valued my time as much as I do now. Roxas gives my time considerably more value. I don't ever want to look back at my life and feel that I wasted any part of it. I never want to let anything come between me and the family I love. Besides God, they are the most important priority in my life and I treasure them beyond measure.

     Roxas is growing up so quickly I can't believe it. He is over 14lbs now and making leaps and bounds when it comes to learning. He is able to do baby push ups on the floor and can roll over on soft surfaces. He can't quite manage it on the floor yet. He is talking like never before, discovering all of the wonderful and new sounds he can make. Sometimes those sounds remind me of a terradactyl but they are great anyways. I still long to hear him ask for me by name, but that will come in time. He is so aware of his world now too. He's developing likes and dislikes all unique to his personality. He finally found his feet and they are a source of complete fascination for him. Our border collie, Stryker, and Roxas have formed a little bond. Stryker loves to be petted and Roxas finds her very interesting so naturally, they love each other. Roxas can grab her ears, pull her whiskers and poke her in the eye and she just patiently takes it. I can see a special relationship already forming between Roxas and his doggy. It's absolutely amazing watching him learn and just witnessing how amazing our brains are and how amazing we are as humans.

     I still have a really hard time connecting this sweet little boy who smiles at me with his one-toothed grin to the squirmy, little octopus I had in my belly a year ago. It just seems like he has always been with us, and I can't even begin to think about life without him in it. I recently watched his ultrasound videos and I was just in awe at how the little blobby baby I saw on the screen was in my lap at that very moment. It still doesn't seem real, it just seems like some far off dream I once had. Yet it's my reality. I have an amazing husband who works himself to death in order to provide for us and enable me to chase my dream of becoming a nurse. We have a home that is our very own, and I have the most precious thing I could ask for: our son.

     We celebrated Roxas's first 4th of July yesterday as well as another first: his first experience with rain! Only in a desert town is it totally normal to run outside as soon as you find out it's raining. He was a little perplexed at first, but for the most part seemed thoroughly unimpressed by the water falling from the sky. I'm sure that will change once he gets older. We celebrated with a little outing for just mommy and daddy, then we went and had dinner at my parents' house with family. All in all it was a good little holiday, aside from Roxas being pretty overtired towards the end of the night.

     Another first Roxas has experienced lately is sleeping in his crib for the first time at night. Truthfully I didn't want to start this until he was 6 months old but with my school starting next month we felt it would be smarter to start it now rather than add even more anxiety later on. I have been slowly getting used to this notion by putting him down for naps in his crib during the day but I was still having a hard time getting myself to put him in his crib for nighttime. He was fine with it, I was the one having anxiety attacks over it. I'm very attached to him and don't particularly like being separated from him if I can help it but I need to learn how to deal with this feeling because I'm pretty sure he won't want mommy still attached to him when he is 15. It's incredibly hard to wrap my head around the idea that someday he will be 15...and I'll be his mom...I will be a mom to a 15 year old boy...eep. Anyways, we put him in his crib for the first night and he slept through the night, but not really. Our baby monitors stopped working in the night so I never heard him wake up and cry. Pending the arrival of our newer, fancier, baby monitor I brought him back into our room. Crazy enough...he slept through the night again! It was so great getting those full nights of sleep, I felt absolutely amazing in the morning. The past few nights however he has been back to his once or twice a night wakings. I'm fine with it though. As tired as I can be, I want to be there for him when he needs me in the middle of the night, no matter what.

Well that is all I have for now. We have a check up on Monday that involves more shots :-( I really hope he does better with them this time. I hate seeing him upset and in pain, especially with the reaction he had to them last time. Happy 4th of July and enjoy the weekend!

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