50 Shades That Just Won't Go Away

 *Disclaimer: If you love 50 Shades and feverishly defend it, you will be offended. This is MY opinion, it will not change,  and you are not being forced to read it.*

The hype over 50 Shades of Grey is only getting bigger and bigger as the release date nears. The level of annoyed I am is also getting bigger and bigger as the hype grows.

I truly cannot figure out why a huge majority of the female population is losing their minds over this movie.  It makes me sad. Really, it does. I am sad my gender has lowered itself to such a level. A level where we condemn men for watching porn too much and ogling the female form like unrepentant horndogs and then turn around and find ourselves lost in the eyes of Christian Grey. Well ladies...you might want to take a look in the mirror. It's truth time.

You can tell yourself it's a love story, just like the Notebook. *For the record I have read all three Shades books and I have not ever read nor watched the Notebook*

You can tell yourself it's a harmless fantasy.

You can tell yourself it's just a passionate BDSM relationship and that's why everybody thinks it's so tabboo.

No. You. Are. Wrong.

Yup. Bringing out the big words and even punctuation for emphasis.

The books themselves were horrifyingly bad. Not just the content but the writing. I am fairly certain a high school student could have written a better book with the same content. The vocabulary was lacking and the story was reliant upon the sex and taboo nature of BDSM. Hardly up to the reputation for "award winning writing" in my opinion.

The story was a poorly constructed fan fiction concoction based upon Twilight. Twilight does have it's own issues to address regarding writing but remember they were written for an audience of older teens/young adults and 50 was written specifically for adults. Just by looking at the writing styles and vocabulary you would think it was the other way around.

A lot of people who dislike the books take issue with the whole BDSM thing. That's not my problem. If you enjoy being tied up and having your partner dominate you, to whatever extreme you find comfortable. As long as it is based on a mutual respect, love, safety and enjoyment...by all means have at it! Not my thing, but if it's yours I say more power to you. When I say mutual respect, love, safety and enjoyment I mean just that. You both have agreed to the arrangement before the domination/subordination relationship begins, you both acknowledge an enjoyment of it, there are safety precautions in place and you both have enough respect for each other to not take it farther than the other is comfortable with and end the relationship if one partner no longer enjoys the activities.

In this twisted version of a BDSM relationship there is no love. There is no respect. Anastasia is hesitant, she runs away scared, and expresses many times how uncomfortable she is with certain things. There is a certain scene in the books that really demonstrates this to me. Christian loses it at a certain point and spanks Anastasia as a punishment past the point she was obviously ok with. He did not respect their relationship. He does not show genuine love towards this woman. He makes her sign his "standard submissive contract" just like every other woman he has had. This contract was created by him with his demands and he is very hesitant to change it for her comfort level. Again, no respect for her concerns and wishes. The relationship is unbalanced in the worst way. He forces her to drive the car he gives her, selling her previous vehicle and leaving her with no choice. He forces her to use a certain phone to communicate with him. If she didn't do these things she would be threatened with punishment. It would be different if she had actually agreed to this as part of their relationship but nowhere in that book does she agree to these conditions. He also has his choice of doctor see Anastasia to administer the birth control shot on a regular basis. This was decided for her, and not with her as a mutual conversation. Anastasia is told she will be subjected to this doctor and birth control and that is the end of it. It is true Christian Grey has emotional and mental trauma from his childhood which is alluded to as the reason for his coldness in the books. Still it is not a reasonable excuse for this relationship, which is abusive. Plain and simple.

The popularity of these books and now the following the movie has gained is worrisome. Our society has come to idolize and adore a man who blatantly disrespects women, and he is getting away with it. We claim love and romance but really what we are watching is abuse and domination without permission. We have become so incredibly desensitized to sex that it takes this level of perversion to feel something about it again.

What was once a treasured gift between a husband and a wife is now as recreational of an activity as shaking hands it seems. Sleeping with multiple partners is now seen as normal, and only sleeping with one person for the rest of your life is seen as weird. It's seen as abnormal, viewed with the sense that you are missing out on something. Others actually express pity for you. WHY?! I really don't get it.

The excitement and anticipation for this movie is a sad reflection of what our society has become. It is not a love story, it is a poorly constructed account of a badly arranged relationship. It reflects our love of money, power and sex at any price. That, to me, is much more tragic than this woman's terrible lack of a vocabulary and shallow characters.

You Put the Lime in the Coconut

11 weeks have already passed and it seems like it went by fast. I already have my second doctor appointment coming up quick. I remember the time between those first few appointments stretching on endlessly. Now it's sneaking up on me and I find myself asking, "Didn't I just go to the doctor?"

So far everything is going well. The morning sickness is easing up a little. Some days are better than others. The best part is I can feel very small little flutters sometimes. Usually they happen in the evening when I am lying down and quiet. I can't wait for the flutters to turn into tiny kicks and watch my belly jump and roll. I still have zero energy of course but that might be because of my new job and the two little goblins that inhabit our home who seem to need something every second of every day. I'm not really expecting to feel energized again until sometime around year 2033.

I just did that math...I will be 43 when this little babe is 18. I have a really hard time envisioning that point in the future. I still have a hard time believing we are both parents and someday we will be parents of teenagers and then adults. My mind just simply cannot even imagine that future, even though I know it will happen. 

With this most likely being our last little one it is very bittersweet for me. I am more happy and less sad than I thought I would be. Every little thing holds a little more emotion for me though. From putting together my last pregnancy scrapbook and listening to the tiny heart beat nestled in my belly. It is always accompanied by the thoughts of this possibly being the last time I get to experience this awesome miracle. Of course our family size may or may not expand after three kiddos but the idea that it could be the last has given me the tendency to really stop and take the time to cherish even the littlest moments. 

I am really excited for all our lives have to offer us in the coming years though. With my new job and school finally being over I feel like life is finally beginning for us. It really does feel like a new start and there are so dreams we can start planning to make realities. This year really does feel like it will be one of our best and I can't wait to meet this little squish, but I'll be savoring the time I spend growing him or her.