Update

     Well after seeing the nurse practitioner yesterday I have no more answers than I did before. I felt really rushed in the office and kind of got shuffled about. I still have the contractions, we're up to 8 today, and they still hurt but thankfully that's it. No more bleeding for now.

     I found out the ultrasound they did at the hospital showed my cervix is not shortening right now, so that is a good thing. Other than that, I don't really know much else. I got mixed messages from the staff at the office, one person told me the doctor would do a scan...only to then be told "doctor isn't going to scan you, go home." No instructions to rest, activity restrictions, things to watch for, etc. It was a very frustrating and confusing experience. I am assuming the doctor isn't worried too much since she didn't scan me but I still have questions "why is it happening then? Is it bad? What effect will this have on the pregnancy now and later?" I also have this feeling I can't shake that something is 'off' but I can't put my finger on it. It's a feeling that something is going to go wrong. Maybe it is just the hormones, who knows.

     I'm kind of just trying to ignore the pains and go on with life as usual for now. I see the actual OB doctor in two weeks so I will have a long list of things to ask. It just doesn't feel right, but if all the tests say things are OK then I guess I don't need to worry. Lucy is still moving quite a bit and I can listen to her heartbeat with our doppler at home which is nice but I know a heartbeat doesn't always mean things are perfect.

     This pregnancy has been the most trying and difficult time in my life. That whole "honeymoon" thing is so not happening for me. I don't like to eat because when I actually do remember to feed myself and can find something that sounds decent to eat, I feel sick after. As a result I've lost even more weight this trimester. I'm constantly exhausted, no matter how much sleep I manage it never seems to be enough. My hips and back are already achingly uncomfortable. Then there are the emotions ruling my life. I can't seem to get control over them, and they can swing wildly without warning. I'm already miserable and it's not even the halfway mark. I just want to get to the end and have our little girl safe and sound on the outside. I thought I would enjoy this pregnancy more but it is turning out to be extremely un-enjoyable and extremely stressful.