Sure, we knew how much a baby can change things and we knew it would be hard but now we are living it and the baby won't even be here for 7 more months. Sometimes, lately I've felt a little overwhelmed at all of the stress we will be facing, and are currently facing. Last night I had terrible bad dreams and got very interrupted sleep. Needless to say I woke up in a "mood" that wasn't exactly chipper. Granted, I am not a morning person and if I am in a "mood" that seems like an angry grizzly bear just awoken in the middle of December, well that's a good mood. Babies cost money, even before they are born. That is a cold hard fact. We are facing one of the toughest financial hardships we have ever taken on and honestly...it's scary. We have had to get insurance that costs double what we were used to and then there will still be plenty of medical bills after that. The thought of "how are we going to cover all of our bills" has crossed my mind more than once lately. This morning, after roaring at the neighbors for chewing their toast too loud, I remembered one of my favorite verses, or chunks rather and went back and read it again, and again and again.
"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers- most of which are never even seen- don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes." Matthew 6:30-34 (The Message)
Woah...and I've just been "served" as the rap kids would say. I'm so guilty of getting wrapped up in worrying about everything and trying to make sure everything is being taken care of that I don't let God in on any of it. It's like I'm trying to juggle chainsaws (I can't even juggle oranges) and God's just standing there going...you know...I could totally help out with that...and I just go "NO! I DO IT MYSELF!" then I suffer massive blood loss when I slip and cut off my arm. Isn't it awesome that God loves such a moronic human? It's funny how every now and then God sends us a little blessing that just says, see...just stop worrying and let me handle it, it just takes me a bit to realize where the help came from. Recently our car insurance went down and we received a check from our insurance company for back pay on premiums. For those small breaks I say "Thank You God!"
So lesson learned this morning: stop juggling chainsaws before I lose a limb. I need to focus on taking care of little munchkin and myself both physically and spiritually which to be honest I've slacked a lot on the latter. Now, yes I still have to balance our budget and write the checks to pay the bills...but now I am going to try and not worry about whether things will work out and just trust that God has got our backs and he won't let anything happen to our family. It's way more easily said that done but the best I can do is try.
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